28. Jan, 2018

An excerpt from my book... the mirror doesn’t lie...

I was, during the first year of my daughter’s life, faced with many challenges and many of these were related to me being so young... I remember the day I answered a Knock on the front door and when I got up and opened it, in walked a very haughty looking woman... she barged past me and announced I had been reported for child abuse... I was shocked! At that time, I was living in a duplex home and I didn’t have anything fancy... I lived within the means I was given... my b/f spent most of his time with his mates or fixing cars for a bit of extra income... I was 17... before the woman had visited me, I had just finished bathing my little girl and had brought her into the lounge room to dry her... as there was a freezing cold draft entering the lounge room I began to dry her with a hair dryer trying to keep her warm... I didn’t know how else to keep my baby warm and I saw no harm in it... the woman leaned down, after I had dressed my baby and began stripping her, quite roughly ... she said she was looking for bruises... my little girl was cold, shivering, she didn’t care... she then, unable to find any, told me to hurry up and get her dressed, before she catches cold... I hated her! I quickly dressed my little girl in her warm clothes again and laid her in her crib... The woman then started yelling at me... she made me cry... she told me she received an anonymous report that I wasn’t looking after my daughter well enough and that I may have to give her up to welfare and they would give her a better home to live in and a better life to live... I was beside myself... I wasn’t doing anything wrong... I loved my little girl and I would never hurt her... next the woman told me to make my baby a bottle ... I did... she burst her seams at me, telling me I was doing it all wrong! I was shaking, spilling the formula... she said I wasn’t getting the right amount of formula in the bottle because my sink wasn’t level... I didn’t understand... she explained quite harshly that being on an unlevel sink, there wasn’t the right amount of water to formula therefore I was giving my baby the wrong proportions and this was causing my baby’s constipation, obviously someone I was friends with had reported me to the welfare, or how did she know my baby was getting constipated?? ... by the end of the visit I had learnt many new things and had been taught, rather roughly, what I was doing wrong... as she walked out my door, I asked her “So how many children do you have?”... to which she replied... “None”... “I didn’t want any”... I was shocked by what I did next... I pushed her out the door, and told her ... “So you’ve never had children and you waltz in here and tell me how I’m such a bad mother, you’ve never had to be a mother and didn’t want to be one and you’re here putting me down for trying to be one”… she just glared at me... I yelled... “Fuck off!” As I slammed the door... these words came out of my mouth as I tried so hard to hold back the tears that were beginning to stream down my face... From that day on I would never listen to anyone who was telling me how to a mother... especially when they aren’t one themselves...