7. Nov, 2016

Why don't you ever shut up?

Recently I was asked, Why don't you ever shut up? At first it took me aback and then I wanted to cry... but only for a brief moment... It actually prompted me to ask myself the same question! Why don't I ever shut up?? After what seemed like a lifetime I came up with this conclusion...
 
I used to want to say so much as I was growing up but I was always told Children should be seen and not heard! Then as I got a little more grown up I reached an age where I had so much to say but my opinion never counted so I said nothing! After a while me saying something became too difficult because I was numbed by the drugs and alcohol in my system which had began to take over my life. When I had something to say in my relationships I was always shut down or a hand was thrown over my mouth, sometimes a fist. I got to the stage where I was quiet, withdrawn and after much abuse and the like I became an introvert... those who know me now only know of me what I choose to let them know... my life hasn't been a bed of roses... or as it was indicated the other day... born with a silver spoon in my mouth!...
In actual fact my life has been the hardest, I think, ever to have traveled a path of... no harder than many others I'm sure but ... this is my life!
When you meet me you meet me as me now! Not the old me or the me I will eventually become, but the now me... I'm loud because I was never allowed to be heard, I'm boisterous or as some would prefer to say,, bubbly... because I haven't allowed life to make me bitter... I am who I am... yes! I've suffered... who hasn't?? I've been taught rather harsh lessons and even endured many, very death defying adversities... but I am human... I make mistakes just like the next one... I'm filled to the brink with knowledge.. words!! Words that I've now managed to string together into sentences which now have become essays and yes! even poetry... still... but my biggest challenge is about to hit me in the face! 1 week, no talking, not communication, as such... to have something I've always wanted... a beautiful smile... many things in my life have occurred to make me who I am now! I'm a total dreamer.. why?? Cause I can be! I'm a total airy fairy thinker... why?? Because I can be! I'm not perfect! I make errors all day every day... I'm learning...just like the next person... Please next time you ask me why don't you ever shut up?? Don't judge me! Please allow me to give you the reason and .. just listen.. I may just open your eyes to what could be wrong with you! <3