15. Oct, 2016

It's ok to meltdown, just don't unpack and stay there! Part 1

I'd like to say I don't lose my shit! But that would be a total lie! Of course I do! I'm only human! 

Today, actually, yesterday, I decided after the second attempt to pluck up the courage and enter the dentist surgery. I knew it wouldn't be pleasant but the outcome outweighed the moment and I pushed through the door! Once inside I approached the front desk and with a major pain swelling inside my bowel, I spoke to the lady who was sitting in front of her comp. She sensed that I may have been apprehensive. I wouldn't say it was anything like an anxiety attack or anything like that. I don't believe I suffer from such an illness... I would prefer to say that the feelings I felt inside weren't bad ones, by no means, excitement? Maybe! Shivers slid up and down my spine. 

I felt like I was seeking closure standing there at the desk. I guess in a way it was just that, closure! At first I didn't know what to say to her but as a result of her friendly manner and the fact that she was smiling, which is something I crave to do... Smile! Sweetly, beautifully! Full teeth showing and grinning from ear to ear... It's been a very long time since I was able to do that. 

For those who aren't in the know... Here goes! My teeth have suffered all my life, my body wasn't the only thing that received the domestic violence and pain and suffering inflicted on me. But I choose not to dwell on the Past! The amount of times I took full punches to the mouth... Face and body, kicked in the teeth, given black eyes and other bouts of violence were inflicted on me. But most of all the blows were directed at my mouth! 

Walking into the dentist yesterday bought back memories I'd much rather forget. As a result of my recent Breast Cancer journey my teeth got a battering again when I undertook chemo and radiation. Not so much the effect of the radiation but the fact I had to wait 12 months post Breast Cancer before I could receive any dental care at all. 

The amount of times I sat and ate my meal and all of a sudden I'd be chomping and crunching on a piece of enamel. Now I don't know about you but that's not a real nice addition to a meal, not like salt or pepper or sauce. To be totally honest, in the last few months I haven't eaten properly, weight loss is not an issue due to the Tamoxifen I'm currently taking to stave off further and secondary Breast Cancer. As I was told, "You'll have to get used to being a happy fat person". No choice in this one! Weight gain doesn't bother me, lopsided breasts don't bother me! Actually one is perkier than it ever was (the BC affected breast), and the other is defying gravity. Seemingly wending its way to the ground. But theyre my puppies and I'm so fortunate to have been able to keep them both intact. I quite like my puppies! And I know my man does too! 

Anyways the pieces of my teeth breaking away has now resulted in me not being able to drink hot drinks, cold drinks, ice cream or anything frozen or oven hot. So it really doesn't leave much to the imagination. Now because I have been affected in my diet and the fact I hide my teeth as well as possible and kissing!! Don't even get me started on that! I'm a really good kisser btw and I'm out to prove just how good! I may even set up a kissing booth. With one participant only of course! Sorry my lips aren't for sale! 

Ok! Back to the office! I spoke at length with this lovely lady and we booked an appt for xrays Etc to be done tomorrow... "10 past 3", she says! "Ok! I'll be here!" 

To be cont'd 

Blog off!