My Inner Thoughts In Ink

21. Oct, 2016

After much consideration, memories and vivid dreams , I've decided who I am ") with a little help from a few! And I've written it in verse!

This is me!

I was born into a family with religion in my ear
With a mother who was misunderstood and a father who I loved dear
I often did the rebellious thing
Just so I wouldn't have to go home
I was bullied every day of my life
From kids I have now outgrown
I often sat as a child and wondered 'why am I here?'
The voices I heard often replied
'You're a chosen one my dear'
Those voices almost drove me insane to the point of no return
So I turned to drugs and alcohol and got my fingers burnt
I found that sex was so much fun I decided it was a toy
And every single time I got the chance I'd use it as a ploy
I often made the worst mistakes just thinking I was different
I'd go out at night and drink non stop till my whole mind was incoherent
I walked the streets late at night
harassing everyone in sight
I'd kick n scream and yell aloud
When my freedom was taken away
And I'd make their lives a living hell
Till they'd threaten me with my life in a cell
Only then I changed my ways
And now
I am a mother of 6
One of which I sadly lost
But I bought up 5
The only way I knew how
For many years
At such a cost
I'm considered as an odd character by my youngest boy
N I'm endeared by my youngest girl who's often overjoyed
To have me as her mother
To my second eldest daughter I'm apart through distance only
To my eldest son I often talk balony ;)
I'm estranged from my eldest daughter not just by distance we're kept apart
But also by the memories she and I hold within our hearts
I see my father in me
Of this I can't deny
When I think of the person he became
I have to sit n cry
I know I sound ridiculous
At many times I am
And
I know there's many out there
Who hate me cause they can
But
I know I asked for this journey
Before I came upon this earth
I originally came from Adelaide
I now reside in Perth
I live with love and joy in my heart
For the person I've become
I gave up all my addictions
I sometimes feel quite numb
It took many years to understand
And I never ask too much
I love with all my heart these days
And I'm gentle with my touch
I cannot harm a living thing
I love all that I meet
I know my karma comes and goes
Sometimes it sweeps me off my feet
Now I see my life as it unwinds as a battle that I've won
Now I see my children in a different light my 3 daughters
My 3 sons
It took me many years till now
To realize who I am
And I swear with every ounce of my soul
I'm doing the very best I can <3

Written 21/10/14

Rebecca Henley
19. Oct, 2016
19. Oct, 2016

All my life I've written poetry. I feel it is the only way, sometimes, to get 'everything' off my chest.  At times I've written how I feel. Other times it's about my experiences. I feel once the words are out of my mind and either on paper or written by a keyboard, I can think a lot clearer and this in turn allows me to 'get on with life'. One day I aspire to have my own book of poetry, it's already being written, yet to be published. I have the title, I've bought the cover and now, I just need to live my life and keep writing... Please enjoy what I've added here, they're only a few of what I've written and I'm sure there'll be many more before I die. Thank you 

This is the cover of my book... 

Created and Designed, perfectly, for me by Katie W Stewart 

Artist/Writer, Freelance Illustrator/Designer at Magic Owl Design 

Thank you Katie you've certainly captured me in the perfect image of who I am...

This cover depicts a woman, once hiding from the world, emerging from the unsightly larvae she was born inside of and spreading her wings, like the beautiful butterfly, she is!

This woman is me!!  

 

12. Oct, 2016

I know I'm nothing to look at
I know my ass is getting fat
I know I'm feeling sad again
But I do know where I'm at

I know I'm happy deep inside
Way down where no one sees
I know I'm giving up again
But I also know I'm free

Free from pain and suffering
Free from all the woes
Free to do as I choose
I always wanted those

Now I'm at that place again
Now I'm wondering why
Now I'm beating up on myself again
Now I'm wanting to cry

I often find this place I revisit
Whenever there's something good
Happening in my life
I always wondered if I could

One day I'll make it right again
One day I'll give it my all
One day I'll give my heart again
I'll stop feeling like I'm small

I'll begin to scream out loud again
I'll begin to say how I feel
I'll let people into my heart again
I'll begin to keep things real

For now I'll continue to shield my heart
I'll continue to keep the pretence
I'll keep myself from being hurt
I'll stay on my side of the fence

One day I'll smile
One day I'll laugh
Without trying to hide my teeth
One day I'll let you all inside
You'll be allowed to see my underneath

Until that day
I'll hide my smile
I'll stay safe within myself

Until that day
I'll run a mile
Whilst I sit upon the shelf

Written 9/4/2016

Rebecca Henley
7. Oct, 2016

It's 1.00 in the morning n I can't sleep!
I wonder about the future if I could just get a peep
To see myself get older as the years pass on by
I know it's useless so why even try
I would just like to know will I be here still?
And what will I be like if I get my fill
Will my life become better or will it still stay the same?
Am I playing my very own part in this mind boggling game
Will I feel any different if I'm wrinkled and old?
Will I still have my memories of stories I've been told?
If I'm here in years to come as they pass me on by
Will I be able to laugh at the tears that I've cried?
Maybe I'll walk with the help a walking stick
Or maybe I'll be kept in bed feeling horribly sick
It's 2am n I can't sleep
Could I just get a glance, the tiniest peep?
Or is it the way that this game is played?
We don't know what's ahead where our stones have been laid
I guess at 3am in the morning
When I can't sleep
It's then I'm given many insights
Many secrets to keep
But none of them allows me my future to see
That's because it's already, a long time ago, been written for me!

Written 16/10/2014

Written by Rebecca Henley