24. Aug, 2016

All my life

I lie here thinking
How much longer
How much longer
Must it be like this

The answer is simple
For as long as need be
To get well again
To find my bliss

To give up the doubt
The feelings of being forgotten
Left behind
In a cruel, cruel world

For the tears to stop flowing
The hurt to be forgiven
To stop carrying around
The stones that have been hurled

The hittings, the bruises, the words,
That cut like a knife
The feeling of giving up, giving in for all
Those years of trouble and strife

I lie here waiting
For the right words to come
To be able to speak the truth
Which are lies to some

To be able to say
What I've always wanted to say
Be who I've always wanted to be
Give what I've so often been given

The pain, torturous beatings
The blood spilled from my mouth
The bruises that covered my body
From many a spouse

Then I come out from under the cloud
I remember all those times
I wasn't allowed
To speak or voice my opinion

Of things I've seen
To try to understand
The way things
Have been

To let go of the hatred
I held within my heart
To forgive those who wronged me
Allow myself to have that brand new start

My family, my parents, yes! Even my children
To allow my life to have some sort of meaning
To give and give, then give some more
To allow others who have hurt me

To step thorough my door

I often used to wonder
How long will this last
How long must I endure this
The past, is the past

But not when it's standing
Right in from of me
It's then I must distance myself
From the blame and discrepancy

I will find my own
When the time is exactly right
I will find it no longer necessary
To keep up the fight

Being loved unconditionally
Is all new to me
But I love it
I really do, it makes me so happy

Thank you
From the bottom of my heart
The place I keep all my dreams in
You're one very special man

I love you Dave Abbey <3

Written 20/6/2015

Rebecca Henley